When your past becomes your present and future

It’s no secret to those who know me best that I don’t have a relationship with my dad. It’s something I’ve struggled with for many years and probably only come to terms with recently. Turns out spending a lot of money on a degree and analysing yourself for 2 years, only then do you start to understand it a bit more.

However, stay with me on this one, because it’s random but through watching SAS who dares wins recently, it reminded me of something I learned within myself about how the past can become your present and future. The girl with the tear tattooed to her face, was good at isolating herself and struggled to make connections was told that tattoo is a daily reminder of the pain she suffered.

I’ve spent years in therapy, trying to find the reason my dad left, trying to understand why he chose not to have a relationship with me. It almost became my punch line in life but it also kept me a prisoner. I too struggle to fully let people in and any sign of commitment, I’ll find a way of escaping to the nearest exit, I like to be independent and I can’t stand people helping me, ironic I know considering my job is helping others!

I was asked one day by my therapist, who would Melissa be, if your dad was no longer an issue. Truth is, that question stunned me, I didn’t really know how to answer it. My issues with my dad, literally defined who I was, I didn’t really know life without it, it sort of became a norm to me and felt scary moving away from that. It made me realise, it’s so easy to emerge yourself in the past and let it overwhelm you to the point you can’t see anything else. I’ve missed out on so much because of it and I guess I went into counselling hoping I could help others avoid my own mistakes.

Whilst you can never force someone to see sense, because the majority of the time, what seems logically to you, just isn’t in to them. You have to let people make mistakes to learn from them. Always be kind to people because you never really know what’s holding them back and keeping them a prisoner. It’s exhausting and draining but it does get easier, once you know how. There is a lot more I could say about my relationship with my dad and how it affected me/learned to deal with it but I’m not ready to make that so public. Helping people just like me 1-1 is something I am enjoying right now, but sharing little bits now and then will be continued.


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