Having a mental health issue can be a lonely place sometimes. I mean, everyone has anxiety yes but sometimes people are just really good at hiding it and it becomes a shock when they suddenly can’t cope with everyday life. Most people can relate to anxiety that’s to do with exams, financial responsibilities or an interview for a job, because when many people experience it, it’s easier to relate to. However, when the many becomes only a few in other situations, it’s much harder to deal with.
Moving out has probably been the second hardest thing I’ve had to do in life so far. My home was my home, it’s been my safe place for the last 26 years of my life, I’ve never moved and I’ve even had the same neighbours, my whole entire life! I know, it’s hard to believe these days, but the kids on my street literally grew up together. I’ve had some amazing memories in that house but also some really tough ones like most households and families go through, but for me it was a lot more than that.
Everything I went through in life, my mum was always there for me. I always knew if I ever needed to cry or just talk about how I was feeling, I would always have that safety net when I got home. We went through everything together, she’s pretty much the only person I trust, like truly trust and rely on. She’s more than just my mum, she’s my rock. Some people find that hard to hear but when you experience certain things it becomes easy to build walls around you that no one else can break.
Anxiety is like having the ability to wear a mask because underneath that, is someone that can’t breathe, think straight or have the ability to really engage in a conversation. This mask however can let people see something completely different. Someone that looks successful maybe, functioning and a good laugh at times but when that person behind it just wants to curl up in a ball and pretend like they don’t exist, it takes some strength to let people know about it. Truth is, they would probably feel a twat if you were to see it, just like I do now sharing this all with you! But reality is, this is real life, why hide it? If writing this down and telling whoever wants to read it, helps me then why not, it might even help someone else too.
Truth is, not everyone will understand what your really going through in life. It’s hard to understand sometimes when you haven’t walked the footsteps they have. You can spend so much time worrying about why others don’t get you or trying to put your point across hoping it will just click and everything will be okay, but, life just ain’t that easy and some people just don’t get it.
Understanding people with anxiety is just the same as trying to understand those without it. It’s hard both ways, the only advice I can give, is focus on yourself and do what’s right for you. Wasting energy on others is only going to make you worse. Anxiety can be exhausting sometimes and it can also be tempting to give into people who don’t agree. Whilst it might ease the anxiety short term, it will soon come back again when you aren’t doing what you think is right for you.
Keep the ones who care the most close by and the others who do not at a distance, and listen to your own voice because it’s in there somewhere! That one small voice is louder than a crowds, it’s why anxiety can be a lonely place sometimes.