Well it’s been a long time…… queue awkward silence.
I can’t really answer why I stopped doing this blog as I really loved sharing my story and hopefully I’ve helped one or two people out there who may be experiencing something similar. However, I have a lot to share and it will probably help you understand why I went silent.
If you have read any previous posts, I’m training to be a counsellor, whilst I knew it wouldn’t be an easy ride and that it came with a health warning. I just always thought, that it would never happen to me. It would never affect me physically or mentally…….. Well, unfortunately it did and it still does.
I always thought I would be a pretty resilient person and could handle most things that would get thrown my way. I knew I had dealt with my own drama in the past pretty well and lived to tell the tale so I just assumed my resilience was pretty damn high. Looking back, I now want to punch that person in the face, but also congratulate them on realising where I have to draw the line.
I decided to expose myself to stressful, traumatic and challenging situations over these last few months. By choice might I add, extra money and experience were my motives, which I think is pretty reasonable. However, I didn’t factor in that we were moving onto personal development within my course, the best way to describe it, is the most intense 2 hours of my life. I described it as not reality at some stage but I have been corrected that it is probably more reality than you will ever get. It’s an opportunity to say how you really feel with controlled feedback, constant analysis by some very experienced therapists and the feeling for me is ANXIETY!
Whilst I love to share my own story, sharing the stories of others, is probably the most unethical thing I could possible do. Despite the fact I am bound by confidentiality and I would rather not lose my membership to the BACP, when I’m just starting out, I have learned an awful lot that could seriously help people in those desperate times. And that simply is telling yourself that no one ever said it was going to be easy. Life isn’t easy, period, it throws you curve balls, that are pretty much always unexpected, unless you can see into the future, which btw, send me your info because that s**t can be useful right now. You just learn to deal with it but most importantly and something I recently learned is you learn how to be strong in your own vulnerability.