Since starting this blog, a few people have messaged me to say how brave they think I am for speaking out about my anxiety but also how wrong they had me as I appeared so confident.
First of all, you never really know how someone feels, it’s a complete mystery because you can’t physically see it. The only way your find out is if they choose to share it, yes people can say they think something is wrong by their change of attitude or behaviour, but that’s just judgement or personal opinion to me, asking them what’s wrong is not going to get the information your fishing for.
Since starting the counselling course last year, I learnt so much about myself that i just began to understand and accept who I was. I learnt you can’t control how other people behave and you can’t change that either. You can however change how you react, once I accepted myself, it was easy to change my reactions.
Don’t get me wrong, have I got a long way to go and a lot to learn? Hell yeah! I’m no genius and I’m still young, I still have a lot to experience. You are your own worst critic, if you start accepting who you are suddenly people’s words don’t matter anymore, instead of absorbing them you just bounce them back. I have good days and bad days, sometimes I feel so untouchable that no one can get to me, I feel like I got my shit together and everything is peachy, other days I curl into a ball and over think every comment that’s said to me, not knowing what the f*** is going on in my life but that’s just balance right? Lol it is in my life anyway. Exhausting!
We are surrounded by other people’s lives, constantly updated on their achievements and accomplishments in life. It’s like you can’t escape from it, Facebook, instagram, twitter, blogs! The list is endless. Whenever I start to compare other people to myself, I put the phone down! You have to ask yourself, do you know what happened before that person took that perfectly posed picture? That perfectly happy couple? The perfectly clean house they own? No. You don’t know if that person had 20 shots before they got the perfect angle, you don’t know if that couple had an argument before the picture, you don’t know how hard that person worked to get that perfect house. I know I’m the worst offender for feeling shit about myself when it looks like everyone is doing so well.
Social media is an illusion, it’s what people want you to see, their not going to share the negative or the bad. I guess that’s what my blog is all about. Sharing real life, being honest and not being afraid of the ugly, by accepting who I am and believing that everything will come in good time.